What the hell are they wearing?


I was thinking about team colors and jerseys and I thought I would break down every NFL team for no other reason then that it is Saturday morning and I am watching Keeping the Faith with Ed Norton an Ben Stiller (great movie by the way) for the 80th time. I am writing something to try to get some responses, anything to get some people writing responding to my posts.

First off let’s Start with the cream of the crop. The best in the business and if this post gets a bit too Style Network for you, I apologize ahead of time.

 1. Dallas Cowboys: From the logo to the colors nothing says football quite like them. The blue star is iconic both in it’s simplicity as well as it’s storied history. The colors are classic, the clean white with the blue and the silver is just awesome.

 2. Green Bay Packers: The logo is kind of a generic “G” U of Georgia has the same one. But the colors are just perfect. Where else but the great white north would you have such ugly colors come together and just be cool.

3. New Orleans Saints: The Fleur D’ Lie is a little lame in my opinion, but it’s the colors that are cool as hell. Especially the black on gold home uniform. Just awesome!

4. Tampa Bay Bucs: Does anyone remember the absolute stupidity of the old bucs uniforms? That orange with that Captain Jack Sparrow looking pirate dude?! ahhhh. Now the new colors are awesome the red and gun metal gray and that flag is badass. An improvment to be sure.

5. Atlanta Falcons: You knew this was coming, this is a Falcons blog afterall. First of all the black and red are just cool. The logo is great, what else can I say?  But I really kind of do miss the old ones too.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers: Black and Gold a classic. The logo is probably the most original in all of football. You can’t help thinking about Bradshaw and “Mean” Joe or about Hines Ward and Roethlisberger in any other colors.

7. New York Giants: I have a thing against all New York teams just really don’t like them. But I do have to give credit. I like the clean color scheme and the retro NY is cool.

8. San Diego Chargers: I really like the updated uniforms. I thought the old ones were lame and boring and the white really makes the other colors pop. The lightning bolt has always been one of my least favorite logos in sports and it still is. It just rubs me the wrong way.

Those are my top teams now for the rest. My list from best of the worst to the worst of the worst.

 9. Tennesee Titans: I take issue with all white helmets. I don’t like them and I think they look so stupid. I like the powder blue jerseys I even like the navy blue pants too. But that logo is just retarded!

 10. Philadelphia Eagles: I like the color scheme. I even don’t dislike the logo. I demote the igles because of those stupid wings on their helmets. Purely and simply they just don’t look right. Maybe if they were on the side and not the front they would look ok but it looks like those things would flap and they would fall on their faces.

 11. Jacksonville Jaguars: I don’t dislike the colors so much as I just don’t like them for a football team. The logo is not bad but not great, just underwhelming at every turn.

 12. New England Patriots: The Jerseys are nice the Logo is kind of cool. I just can’t give anything to a team that is just this damn good year in and year out. How great was it to see them lose in the Super Bowl?! Sorry Pats fans the reat of the world loved it!

 13. Carolina Panthers: Electric blue sure reminds me of a black jungle cat what about you? Oh yeah sure it does! The logo has the distinction of having a shoulder or something on it. Congrats fellas….not!

 14. Baltimore Ravens: I like the colors black and purple are cool. I like the yellow too. But the logo just kills me. The raven head has a big freaking “B” on it. and for what? It is not lower on my list because at least it is better than the original logo back in ’98 that maryland flag with the “B” was just plain awful.

 15.  San Francisco 49ers: I don’t know where to put this team. Do I call them iconic or do I call them boring? The colors are different the team has a great history. Eh? I just say they are lame. The logo also has the distinction for having numbers on it. Lame!

 16. Denver Broncos: This is another interesting one for me. The jersey is an improvement from the old ones that looked like a bunch of hicks in hunter orange with bright blue helmets on. But the new ones are just so damned average. They aren’t bad, they aren’t iconic. But they beat my team in ’98 in the superbowl so screw them!

17. Cleveland Browns: I know let’s dress 53 guys in s**t brown and orange and make everybody think this is 1971 again. When everything was s**t brown and orange. No thank you! I would laugh at their logo but they don’t have one really, not unless of course you count that snap, crackle and pop reject troll guy. With a wind sock on his head no less. Oh yeah and the Dawg pound, let’s not forget the Dawg Pound. I actually like those guys they are funny.

 18. Buffalo Bills: While I would love to make a Silence of the Lambs reference here I won’t. But damn it, the jersey is certainly original. I will give them that, But they are still ugly and I can’t stand them. The helmets have not evolved with the jersey they kept half of the old uniform and updated the other half. Who does that?

 19. Indianapolis Colts: Two colors, two! One if you come from the school of thought that says white isn’t a color. Then you are just stupid because they what the hell is it? White helmet, Check. A freaking horseshoe, Check and those stripes on the sholders look freaking awful.

 20. Chicago Bears. I don’t really dislike the color scheme as much as the logo here. It harkins back to the old days when you only had a couple of choices for your logo. The Chicago “C” is the same as the Cincinatti Reds “C” and the NY Giants had the New York Yankees both had the same logos. I think the thing about the Bears that I dislike so much is that no matter how lame they are the fans just keep going on an on about them just like the Cubs. A club that is lamer than the Bears oh and there is that stupid “C” again.

 21. Arizona Cardinals: Now, I live in Arizona and I like the Cards, but the White helmet has got to freaking go! The jerseys are a huge upgrade from the old ones so I do like that. But the logo, Oh the logo, even slightly adjusted is still a Cardinal, a little red bird that wouldn’t scare anything outside of a worm.

 22. Detroit Lions: Lame is just the best word for these guys. On the field and everywhere else. The blue is boring the silver is well, it’s silver. The logo is just so bad, the outline of a lion….that’s it. No really that is it.

 23: Minnesota Vikings: Purple warning! Now I like purple as much as the next guy, I am a Lakers fan afterall. But DAMN! First off the logo is kind of Iconic, I like that. But whatever or who ever designed the PURPLE pants needs to give whatever money they were paid back.

 24. Seattle Seahawks: I give them credit for picking different colors, I like that they tried. I don’t really dislike the jersey so much as I just don’t like that logo. It is updated from the old one but I think this team is ready for an upgrade.

 25. New York Jets: I liked the retro look back when they came back. I still kind of do but I just feel like they didn’t really try to do something new as much as bring back something that wasn’t as ugly as the uniform before it. Try harder next time guys but no need to change tomorrow they aren’t embarrassing.

 26. Kansas City Chiefs: KC reminds me a lot of NYJ. They are kind of iconic a bit retro but represents the team fine. I still don’t like the logo, I never really have but it is and Icon at this point and I say keep it. Just not my cup of tea.

 27. Houston Texans: They aren’t bad, they aren’t really anything. That is kind of the problem. I like the logo which is a play on the Texas state flag. Just kind of eh.

Hall of Shame time folks the final teams that just irritate revile or truly disgust me.

 28. Oakland Raiders: I like the colors, I really do. They can’t be changed at this point but they need a makeover at this time. I say fix the logo. Take away the shield, follow the Bucs lead and get rid of that guy on the helmet. Something needs to change in Oakland and until Al Davis dies this will have to do.

 29. St. Louis Rams: OK they are improved from the clownsuits that these guys used to wear. I used to think they would come out of a really little car or something. But a Ram? Stupid mascot and a stupid helmet.

 30.  Washington Redskins: I don’t like the colors, I never did. I can’t stand the logo I think this team is too old and too storied to change, so they are doomed to look stupid every week from here to eternity. Plus they have the distiction of probably the second worst owner in football, behind Al “does my pompador look sexy?” Davis.

 31. Cincinatti Bengals: Wow, that is all I can say. Let’s look past the neon orange jerseys, no wait let’s not. They are ugly, really really ugly. Oh and stripes do not a good helmet make.

 32. Miami Dolphins: Oh here we are, the worst of the worst the baddest of the bad the most retarded of all teams. Miami has the distinction above all other teams as being the only ones to have been designed by 7 year old girls. The colors are just a damned joke, oh and when I am playing a land based game with arial attacks what do I want to be known as but a freaking DOLPHIN!

                                                            The Bird Speaks!